I am stuck in that place of loving life and knowing I am blessed and being afraid to take my eyes off of Nadene. A part of me feels like if I go back to "normal" that I am betraying the pain and loss of Joshi. That somehow I need to stay un-happy and sad with her. I know she would never say this and this definitely would make the Enemy a happy camper.
So where I am is deeply sad that my friend can't say her night time prayers with her baby boy anymore and so blessed and happy that I can. I am angry that cancer took a beautiful little boy from this world, but reminded by him in his last days that this is not all there is...thank you Jesus this is not all there is. I stand taller on Who God is these days and am humbled that the savior came and personally escorted a little boy, whom I held hands just a few short weeks ago, into the gates of Glory. (I think they held hands too)
And because God made us to not carry other peoples burdens to the point of despair, but just enough to walk these roads and make sure others are not alone, I am still sad, but not broken. I know all the cliche Christian things to say, but they don't take away the longing for Nadene. So just keep praying with us. Pray for this mom to find her new place in this world. That her heart connects to something in this life that not only brings Glory to the Father but brings her a little peace.
So where am I? I am still praying....